Mullet Over

Mullet King, walk proud
For you, there's no nostalgia
There is only hair

Troubleshooting Yourself In The Foot

brown paper bag lunch

mom sealed it with a staple

starvation ensues

Gastrointestinal Journey

The meal in this guy
keeps churning. Don't know where it
will be tomorrow

Today

future preterite

the day after yesterday

stuck in the present

Whores Racing

Got the inside track
Jockeys removed last minute
Always finish first

Now With Extra Nuts!

Aspie's cereal

now with more DSM-IV

unbalanced breakfast

Literal Butterface

Faces are melting
Indiana Jones-style
House Of Wax heat wave

Wait... What??

Ironic pick-up:
'Baby, drop the loser and
get with a boozer.'

G-Peeping

TOO ARE PERFECT. FUCK.
A THIRD. ALWAYS ANOTHER.
WEIRD CONSPIRACY.

The Ballad of Louieeeee

Hope you know shorthand
Sexecutive Assistant
Take my dictation!

Hindon't

the Dalai's llama
just broke into your Karma
and ate your Anthra

Bite your tongue

Vince, I trust your schtick
Sham wow! I could eat your face
The Germans made it.

No More Petaling...I Can Coast.

No thanks, Flower Guy
No way she can back out, now:
It's breach of contract

Dole'emOut

Film stagnated 'til
Blaxploitation cinema
Gave us all the Shaft

Nobody Knows I'm Elizabeth

closet thespian
comes out of the dressing room
tell mom it's an act

Studying 'Hard'

doctoral thesis:
200 pictures of cock
(didn't graduate)

Know Your Audience

We'll revive haiku
Single, insightful moments
About vaginas

I'm THIS Many!

Slick calculator
Greasing up the math canal
Inserting digits

Chicken Or Fish?

Christie's art and junk
Just how well-beached is Amos?
Meet the newlyweds!

Christie's Judgment

Drippy incidents
iDick, youDick, we allDick
for bad music trades

Checking References

Lesbian draws cocks
The cook has no sense of smell
...sure you're qualified?

It's written all over your face

Lesbian cock-blocks
Tell me how you keep it up
My face smells like cunt

Bread & Loafers

A fisher of men
The holy master baiter
See men on the mount

Skanks On a Vein

Mile high milk snake
Burgeoning movie career
Nippled in the bud

Altar Boi

communion sure sucks!
it started as a bread stick...
transubstantiate.

Felt Tip

rub it all you want...
you will never get this off
she gave you the cock

The Passion Of The Crust

Cheesus Crust rises
With all the crucifixin's
It's Yeaster Sunday

Boy-den

Passionate new voice
Highly manicured douche-patch
Take it in your mouth.

Cunning Linguist

Chomsky & Blowjobs
To Noam is to love him
Tongues more work for her.

Worlds Collide

Clouds are gathering

Pool-pah: The Divine shit-storm

brings Royal Rainbow

Kurt Of San Lorenzo

Bokononist

mayonnaise elevators

midget has Ice-9

61,000 Pneumonia Deaths Last Year...

fight Terror with Fear
all panic on my signal...
Threat Level: BACON

Womb With A View

cummerbund tan lines
hip-huggers just aren't for you
day-old muffin top

Never Cry Woof

A case of 'Wolf Arm'
Why am I cudddling her?
Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, gnaw, hey!

Linguistic WTF, Biznatch?

Syntax exemption
"Grammerically" incorrect
What the fo'shizzle?

Hot for Pus-y

Then the music swells
But that's not the only thing
Don't be so callus

Who Let the Gods Out?

A new religion?
Keep your dogma off my lawn:
Karma is a bitch.

Get A Grip

Girls love musicians
Dust collecting instrument
Music to your rears

Hamdemic

The Swine Flu haiku
Leave delicious pigs alone
We're the Semites right?

Lem-ent

Touch me, touch me now
Samantha Fox museum
Give me Mötorhead

Good Luck With Your Student Loan Application!

Welcome To Gabby's

Centre For The Drunken Arts

Hangover major

Would You Like Lies On The Side?

Ashley Madison
Hey! Are you a cheating fuck?
Hope you knock her up

(W)insurance!

Cornea transplant
Covered by my HMO
Get out of braille free

Bump And Blind

Dear Penthouse Forum,
Reading dirty books by touch:
It's the Holy Braille

T-dot. Canada's G-spot.

You think you're so great.
Why hate, rest of Canada?
...maybe 'cause you suck.

North American Firearms Trade Agreement

Americanized,

but fewer guns than Detroit.

Small consolation

Regime Change In Leaf Nation

Three bills for a game

plus rabidly loyal fans.

Still the Leafs can't win

The Line To Nowhere

Thank you, Mel Lastman

Who uses the Sheppard line?

Answer: Nooooooooo-body!

R.I.P.: Driftwood Music

What happened, Queen West?

Reverse gentrification

now brand-name ghetto

See-Food

How do eyeballs taste?

I can't see how this is good.

Cue the blind taste test

Goat

if it runs, chase it

if it hides, discover it

if it bleats, shave it

Cocks In Frocks

who makes Jesus rise...

Catholics or Protestants?

nun of the above

Haikutties

Disease of the mind

What makes this so addictive?

More research needed

Self-Touch Sensitive

iPhonesturbation

Your fingers make it bigger

It's user-friendly!

Meatcandy

Aborted from your

emotional uterus.

Placenta lovechild

Like Fucking A Rubber Sock

perspicacity

paralysing polymers

syncopal sorrow

Brass Slaps

Jazz hand weaponry
Strikes unsuspecting Beechwill
Please stop my crazy

MyKill

Hello, my name is
Christie Crayons; wax you off
You Bowles me. Over.

Crayons' Box...of Tricks

Her haiku secret:
Academia or beer?
Twenty years of both.

RAID On Bungeling Bay

controller BIOS

delivers the epitaph:

"Array Not Defined"

Dude, I Totally Wrecked That...

a few screws loose now

...been into this box so much

it's no longer square

BraStraps

I'm in the cal"zone"

What colour is sauce and cheese?

Delicious rainbow.

Unschooling Eric

Merri the Terri

Fishing in the pool of Fail

De-Breeder die die.

(In)tuition

Art skool graduate

What will I do with my life?

Filmore's here I cum!

307 Carp

Can't come into work

Katamari damachi

Rolling that shit up.

Urinary Classifieds

Men's room urinal

The insecure graffiti

Blow him already.

True Romance

Babe, are we this tight?

Charlie Horse or Donkey Punch?

Which one would you like?

Cuntractors

Jungle Genevieve

She's swinging on lust's law bars

Renée-vate my heart.

Tax That Donkey

Three-ring cervixes

Romans roaming for fun times

Boobs and circuses

Baby Phat

Dalton McGuinty:

'Childhood obesity is

a growing problem'

In The Technical Dept., We're Not Happy Until You're Not Happy!

> Can you help me out?"

> "Sure! Which way did you come in?"

> "I'll see myself out..."

Dee Dee King

53rd & 3rd
you're trying to get a fix
you make me feel sick

CAAAAAAR!!!!!

Suburban fuck-up
Cul-de-sac of intellect
Playing sheep-hockey

Psalm 23 1/2

and though I've walked through
shadows of valleys of breasts...
I felt no evil

You Might Think I'm Delirious, The Way I Run You Down

Run over by Cars
I murdered you in my brain
Uh-oh, it's magic

How Big Is Wow?

what is the appeal

for young Latino gay men?

...Morrissey is huge!

An Oral History Of Oral Histories

it's punillingus

coming in unto our own

autofailatio

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

another school night

I come here for the beer, but

stay for the service

Kids These Days...

Ne'er-do-wells about

Malls full of kids packing guns

March break and enter

Best. Fear. Ever.

You're afraid of that??

Triskaidekaphobia?

Baker's dozen...BOO!

Divine Fuckface

From out of nowhere

These gods came to fuck shit up

Douche ex machina

Book 'em, Marko!

The cerebral specs
Dimensions or dementia?
Just publish that shit

Daze of Swine and Proses

Heaven con carné?
Vegetarian nightmare?
It's still poetry.

SpouseStation2

Pending boss-battle

'Scorn' as a special weapon

Please can I keep it?

Corollary To The Law Of Signage

low voltage warning

then a tape threading failure

people do not read

A Technician's Guide To Crisis Management

always save the gear

if there's time, then save the beer

lastly, save yourself