Season's Greetings

Christ I hate Christmas

God, do I hate religion

Happy Holidays

.

Perspective

Donning beer goggles

Absinthe makes the heart grow fond

Pretty in dim light

.

Guccioni's Pornicorn

Clit'rature canon
I seek Caligula's feast
Girls on girls on girls

Johnny Deep

Undercover tip
Not what I was expecting
21 Jump Street

Eats Yer Spinach

today's description

on Photoshop Disasters

written in haiku

Minstrel Cycle

European Bard

Once performed for royalty

Now busking on Queen

.

The Fifth Food Group

Vagitarians

There's no meat in that sandwich

Womb on womb action

Full Disclosure

precision knife blades

authentic Japanese steel

says "Made In China"

Paradox Of Knives

one dollar craft knife

impenetrable package

The Universe laughs...

Dead Sexy

one new arrival

buried face-down by mistake

now we are both stiff

Fault Diagnostics, Level 1

all you need to know:

if a hammer can't fix it

it's electrical

TTC Route 501, Eastbound

travelling in packs

chasing western horizons

to never return

I'll Take YOU Offline

Take it offline
Your core competency is
Verbing adjectives

Love Ewe

shepherding the flock

erotic rumination

flailing and crooked

Axillary Intercourse

bagpiping war songs

into the pit of despair

no white residue

Don't Worry, We'll Fix It In Post

no time for your notes

gotta make it to broadcast

fix it in postal

Shwarma Of Locusts

nailed to hot cross buns

half a rack of lamb of god

our curried scapegoat

Silver Linings

Awful way to go
Trapped in an inferno, but
I bet some got laid

9/11 Love Story

downtown in New York,

one tower says to the other,

"I'm falling for you."

Its Not Over

stickwithitiveness

not one of my stronger points...

not even a word

Abandoning Our Post

Forty-One in June
and sixty-three in July
August? Only six

Back To Square Zero

My inspiration,
gone like a fart in the wind.
Gotta start somewhere.

Office Space / Timesheet Continuum

Since you insist on

holding meetings in stairwells

I'll climb your office

Proud To Be DFL

I wish you were mine 

one day I'll figure it out

but I'll be too late

Everyone Is Crazy Except Me

meet my newest friends:

nice young men in long white coats

I fear commitment...

Tech Support Carpenter Metaphor

hit with the flat side

hammer orientation

...just clean out your desk

Engine Earring

you've reached the tech shop,

glans to be at your cervix!

please leave a massage...

Troubleshot

alone in the dark

idea bulb won't turn on

your lamp is unplugged

It's Not How You Feel, It's How You Look

full-frontal cortex

disfigurement of the mind

Plastic Makes Perfect

Lord Kitchener's Wrath

No longer metal.
New theme to Armageddon?
Apo-calypso

$3.00 / litre

water factory

melting ice with blowtorches

robots building bricks

The Dimly-lit Space

Fourth dementia

Serling begat Fox Mulder

I want to bereave

Newtonian Gangbang

Fitness of physics

Dimensions of achievement

Spatial Olympics

Time To Trim The Tabescent Tedium

tight taximetrics

tacking '-tastic' to tired terms

tachyphylaxis

Flesh Vortex

gynecology 

induces tunnel vision

it's spectaculum!

Payroll Failure

owner's flight delayed

no one here to sign the cheques

petty cash bar tab

Intervention

Playing my word games.
Some antics or semantics?
Just shut the fuck up.

Just Use chkdsk & Be Done With It

>chkntfs_

show us all your dirty bits

nothing to see here

Buttered Side Falls Face Down

Fuck up, and you're toast
Small margarine of error
What's the spread on that?

Dow Chemical Company / (7)+(?)

Bromine ZipLoc cult

do you know the difference?

paper or plastic?

Bulletproof Vestibule

shot in the lobby

reconstructive surgery

replace the window

Oyster Shucking Redux

spent shells everywhere

Drew Barrymore's hunting pearls

Tom Green bedroom games

Tao Te Schwing

Haiku's stately grace
Celebrating nature's works
By "works", I mean boobs

Seafood Love Song

the world disappears

when you're shucking my oyster

your hook in my mouth

Raising The Interest Rate

In a sea of beer,

a rising tide floats all boobs

It's Meaghanomics

The Long, Frozen Arm of Gil Hamilton

androgynous zones

inevitiability 

for you corpsicles

12 Step Program

3 of the best pairs

6 of my favourite boobs

Nein! You can't escape!!

The Impossible Duality Of Sigmund's Favourite Cereal

Id wants girls & booze

Super-ego wants to leave

frosted mini wheat

Whose Fail Is It Anyway?

The aristocrats

Your 'fail' betters us all

Stay gold, Pony(tail)boy

Two, Please.

female bartenders

make every beer taste better

put those jugs on me...

I See Your Lose And Raise You A Fail

Pee flies circling

like mullets at a barber.

Time to shear that shit.

Baseball Is Gay

grasp your wooden stick

and aim it for the sweet spot

slam it into balls

Harlequin Meets Hustler

Keep the chicks working

Have to keep earning my love

Why aren't you topless?

Power-Glide Suicide

cross the yellow line

terminal velocity

counterproductive

Radio

pulling the cat's tail

communicates your message

but there is no cat

Sorry Honey, I Missed Your Call

can Dick stay for beer?

things are beyond his control...

cell phone battery

Natasha's Lament

First time in person
Edmund, Amos, Joss and Dick
That's one ugly blog

That's A Squishin'

Fourteenth trimester
Your post-natal abortion:
Jaywalking with kids

Paradise Fails

can't come to the phone

I'm balls deep in a manhole

at least I get paid

Satan's Prison Of Fire (Aquaman's Prison Of Water)

Mock not the prophet
Welcome to Armageddon
T-shirts on your left

Don't Drink The Water

life of the coxswain

autoeroticism

stroke. stroke. stroke. stroke. stroke...

Fried Day

There's so much to do
but those Thursdays are killer
Wishing my work done

Vertical Bits

not enough free space
overflowing bit bucket
need more bigabytes

Who's Gonna Cut Your Grass?

grab yourself a hoe
leaf-blower hockey try-outs
gangraking your lawn

That's The Kind Of Combination An Idiot Would Have On His Luggage

1 2 3 4 5
do it again and add 2
7 - 2

iPhail

Early adopters
Queue for iPhones overnight
Kittens in a sack

See You All Later!

out come the shooters

tonight's memories end here

its been a pleasure...

Maxing Out The Failometer

Fixing corrections
Accuracy complicates
Best to just not ask

Maintaining Relationships One Data Packet At A Time

Update your Facebook.
Catch up with what's going on
and skip hanging out.

Page not found

TCP/IP
Better check your subnet mask
Error 404

'Bus' - Get It?

don't fuck with SCSI
I have spent half of my life
waiting for this bus

You Gonna Finish That?

Kids cholesterol?
Could have been that third Whopper.
Go the fuck outside

I Hope You Budgeted For ADR...

MiniDV mode

twelve decibels of headroom

clipped mics for Teh Win

How to Not Win

abort, retry, fail?
why is this disk so scratched up?
time to start from scratch

Lunchtime Lobotomy

watching food spin 'round

microwaves your frontal lobe

drool gives you away

Non-Tech Tech

To be a good tech,
you have to know where to punch.
Greatest tool of all.

Jocelyn Makes Sure I Fit In

always a critic
oh, and capitalize it
fit the format now

F-disk is Sick

can you fix this disk
your mbr is fucked up
it won't boot no more

Acedia

trapped in the office
skirts walking by my window
work grinds to a halt

E.B. White Was Right

be obscure clearly;
disappointed by chickens
and the frog still dies

That's Enough Outta You!

Timing is key for
inappropriate humour.
Puns can get you killed

Get The Fuck Off The Phone Already!

I would be that pot
that's calling your kettle black
now get back to work

Let's Find Out...

is there an echo
when you yell over the 'net?
LAY OFF THE CAPS LOCK!

This Is Why I Can't Have Nice Things

Here's an idea
Let's start a blog for haikus
Abandoned so soon?

Day's End In The Salt Mine

swaying on my perch
a state of asphyxia
no one to sing for

Later That Day In The Salt Mine

alone in the dark
I finally understand...
I'm the canary

Just Another Day In The Salt Mine

the gods have spoken
they want their canary back
I'm the chosen one

Raised In Barns

office rodent farm
fly-swatter requisitions
Close. The. Fucking. Door!

No, You Can't Borrow Those

wandering the halls
hunting the empty forest
stop stealing my tools!

Happy Canadia Day!

Summer long weekend
Barbecues, beer, campfires
Me? Video games!

Don't Bring Your Feelings To Work Day Is Every Day!

frolic through the park
smiling for the camera
leg in a bear trap

Presentism

once upon a time
when today was tomorrow
nothing existed

Autonomic Automatic

whenever girls hug
I become fascinated
who's breasts will prevail?

I Love Punk Girls

Black Flag '84
Suzi Gardner slips it in
headache in my pants

Just Be Glad That You Don't Need New Hardware

3rd -party upgrades

not included in the price

no Boris for you

Terrazim

Freedom's enemies
Misunderestimated
The revengeful west

Ode To Disorganisation

Desk cluttered with junk
The bigger the pile, the more
productivity

What's In Dad's Closet?

Son, we have to talk

things with mom didn't work out

meet your new mom 'Jim'.

Here They Come!

jack-of-all-trades Stan

boys in the bright white sports car

probably stolen 

What Kind Of Mileage Can I Expect Here?

lottery windfall!

collected my free Hummer

then I bought a car

Working On A Sex Farm

pitchfork in my fist

while ploughing through you bean field

silo's rising high

Wheel 2.0

headaches with pictures

reinvention of the wheel 

shave off the corners

Weapons of Mass Deliciousness

we need your support

help us end office hunger

Invade Snackistan!

Died On This Date

The Rosenberg spies
Swiss reformer Leo Jud
Maximilian I

Beep You!

Spamming the telex
trolls of another era
Telegraph flame war

A World Of Ideas...Round, Jiggly Ideas

Filling the void with
esoteric minutiae...
...that and thoughts of boobs

Raul's Wild Kingdom

canidae flight school

defenestrated poodles

pyramid of dogs

It Could Be Worse...

Haikus between naps
Did I mention I'm at work?
First-world office hell

Casserole

I slide it inside

it's so warm and inviting

hey, is this your lunch?

Urban Death Maze

cabs in the bike lane

glistening wet streetcar tracks

organic pylons

Is It Quitting Time Yet?

mesmeric vortex

gazing into the beast's maw

an absence of time

The Morning After

Baby, I was drunk...

I shouldn't have brought you home

orange traffic cone

Friday Night At The Pub

Betacam SP

they only jam after dark

back to work I go 

Vitriol

in Wasaga Beach

the potato goes in front 

I scratch out my eyes

I Can't Work Like This (A True Story)

for fuck's sake Darrell

I'm trying to get this fixed

you're crushing my smokes

Well Actually It's Just A Chart

Excel 'database'

World's most expensive ruler

I can't draw straight lines

Steady Paycheque

living the nightmare

is just like living the dream

except you're still here

Napalm Death #1

obliteration

harmony is corrupted

utopia banished

I Can't Decide If This Show Sucks Or Blows...

Callous irony

Sisyphean abhorrence

They will outlive us

Am I Using This Right?

Praise the unicorn

mythical ungulate, or

horses with big cocks?

Tech Shop Initiation

The iron bathtub

pinions me against the bench

Just feed it to me

Jamie Hates Haiku

The year of the fuck

Futurama & bacon

Even dogs like it

Blistex Fetish

Press it to your lips...

Twist the knob and extend it...

You're the fucking balm!

World Of Whorecraft

Level 41

Online gaming for teh win!

Eternal virgin.

Depreciated

Judgemental haiku;

also self referential...

can't live with itself

Thinking Alongside The Box

Effective catchphrase:

"Symbiotic Synergy!"

Bullshit in the end

Failcasting

One chance to succeed

...any monkey could do it...

but we sent the Chimp.

Christ On A Cracker

Puttin' on the Ritz

monotheistic saltine

Triscuit trinity

Media Decomposer

MEDIA OFFLINE

When you're consolidating,

never choose 'delete.'

The Re-beginning

This is the first post.

Perversions of poetry...

Haiku Holocaust!